So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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