Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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