So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
