You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
