Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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