How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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