He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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