Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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