He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
