shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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