I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
