the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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