Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
