Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
