He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
