I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
