Quick, to the slutcave!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
