We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
