I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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