Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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