I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
