That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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