fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize