I just threw up on my dentist
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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