I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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