does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
