i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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