Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
