Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
