They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We had sex on a dog bed..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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