I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
