i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
