I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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