I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
