Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.

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(315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave. http://tfl.nu/cgpg

Replies (46) Good night (947) Bad night (9704)
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(941): View more from Florida

If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

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(941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him? http://tfl.nu/9nhp

Replies (140) Good night (1196) Bad night (12795)
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(647): View more from Ontario

TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.

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(647): TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW. http://tfl.nu/946s

Replies (13) Good night (6254) Bad night (1030)
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(804): View more from Virginia

i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry

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(804): i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry http://tfl.nu/11d0

Replies (19) Good night (5926) Bad night (765)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

(1-913): View more from Kansas

What?!

(913): View more from Kansas

Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

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(913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s

Replies (35) Good night (1099) Bad night (9054)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas

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(832): The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas http://tfl.nu/fiou

Replies (8) Good night (2215) Bad night (819)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday

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(920): Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday http://tfl.nu/tp2d

Replies (6) Good night (2988) Bad night (826)
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(785): View more from Kansas

for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.

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(785): for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless. http://tfl.nu/zt1g

Replies (12) Good night (3369) Bad night (1064)
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(360): View more from Washington

thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking

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(360): thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking http://tfl.nu/sj60

Replies (8) Good night (3555) Bad night (855)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.

(479): View more from Arkansas

Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

This is why I married you.

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(479): The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning. (479): Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight? (1-479): This is why I married you. http://tfl.nu/g5es

Replies (4) Good night (2870) Bad night (621)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Would you like season tickets to my vagina?

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(502): Would you like season tickets to my vagina? http://tfl.nu/fkgh

Replies (12) Good night (1801) Bad night (460)
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(618): View more from Illinois

After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...

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(618): After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical... http://tfl.nu/b9b8

Replies (2) Good night (950) Bad night (394)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.

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(250): i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues. http://tfl.nu/i8tc

Replies (1) Good night (446) Bad night (204)
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(636): View more from Missouri

I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.

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(636): I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more. http://tfl.nu/a679

Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (202)
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(207): View more from Maine

I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.

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(207): I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard. http://tfl.nu/16h8

Replies (0) Good night (276) Bad night (119)

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