I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
