I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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