Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
