Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.