Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.