Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.