If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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