Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
