wanna go halves on a baby?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
