I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize