new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
