She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
