I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
