So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
