you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
actually, I'm a sock model
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
