I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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