If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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