ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
