hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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