i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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