3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
be right there i have to get my cape
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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