she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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