Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
