i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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