I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
