Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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