Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
