How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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