You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
