Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
