i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
