what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
