I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
