I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
