Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
